I don't want to runaway

Lately, I feel all the time that I have no control over my life. It's such a disappointment to feel everything I want to reach just slipping away. I'm sure it's not only me, it's not only me but it's making me touch despair way too many times for my taste. Whether it's love, my college course (that I seem to never be able to finish, maybe my brain is simply turning stupid) or making a normal conversation with someone normal, everything is becoming so hard, doesn't matter if I'm trying to be more romantic or just making lunch. Complicated. I need to find a point for being here, and soon if it's ok with you Mr. Absent God. Ah shit, I don't want to touch the emo ground, I'm too old for that.